The Misadventures of The Pooch, The Cougar and The Jensen
by CovenantGirlLoki
Summary: Basically some one-shots about the shenanigans these losers get up to. aka my crappy attempt at humour *I own nothing*
1. Cougar is not a morning person

Cougar Is Not a Morning Person

0459 hours. Sixty seconds before the wakeup call from hell.

Jensen waited with bated breath and quiet snickering. Today was definitely the day. He could feel it. Today was the day that Cougar, the embodiment of calm, cool collectedness, would finally snap.

After one of their missions had gone disastrously bad…like really bad…even by Loser standards this mission was _that bad_, they had been grounded on base for six weeks. It had only been two and a half weeks but already Clay had slept with half of the female soldiers, Rouge had threatened at least twenty of the new recruits and had made at least three of them wet themselves. Pooch had rewired three tanks and had taken one out for a test drive at one in the morning. Jensen had hacked into the bases mainframe and chanced the lunch menu to hot dogs and pizza. But through it all Cougar had been playing peacekeeper. It was only thanks to the snipers smooth talking and quick thinking that the four of them weren't facing a court martial.

But today was the day that he would snap.

In…thirty seconds.

Pooch didn't think so.

Twenty five seconds.

But Jensen knew it was.

Twenty seconds.

He had even put a hundred dollars on it.

Twelve seconds.

It had better be the day.

Six…

Five…

Four…

Three…

Two…

One…

The reveille sounded over the broadcasting speakers. The piercing sound jerking the sniper awake. A growl, the likes of which defied the laws of humanity, slipped through Cougars lips. In a matter of seconds Cougar had his SR-25 rifle out and was taking aim.

"Cougar…" Clay said in a warning tone.

Cougar just glared down the scope as he squeezed the trigger. With a sound not unlike a wheezing the speaker fell silent. Contented that his job was complete the sniper put down his weapon. He turned to face his frowning CO, with a look that clearly said 'Go on. Say something. I dare you. I double dare you.'

Clay shook his head. "That's coming out of your pay."

Cougar just shrugged before crawling back into bed and promptly falling back to sleep.

**A/N Sorry about any mistakes. I know that being in the army and all Cougar would be used to getting up but just pretend he had a big night the night before or something**

**Any who hope you liked. Updates will come when and if I feel like it**

**CGL**


	2. Strike Days

Strike days

Clay tried his absolute best to keep the smirk off his face. Honestly he really did try. Ok…maybe he could've tried a little harder but come on! If there were three grown men sitting cross legged in front of your office door then you would smirk too!

"Boys…What can I do for you?" He asked slowly.

"Well sir, we've decided that we are going on strike until you meet our demands." Jensen stated mater-of-factly.

Clay nodded, "Alright, and what are those demands exactly?"

Jensen's face went blank, "Uhh…Pooch?"

Pooch rolled his eyes at the tech, "Nice Jay. Ok well…I need a car. As in a car from this century and before you start that piece of crap metal heap that you call an 'American Classic' is not a car it's an embarrassment! If you expect me to drive your drunken ass around base then get me a good car!"

Clay nodded thoughtfully, "Alright Pooch, deal." Pooch smiled and got up, walking down the hall way whistling. 'Nisan Micra it is then.' Clay thought. Looked back at the remaining two Losers he couldn't help but be amused. Jensen was still trying to figure out what he wanted and Cougar…well Cougar had The Hat tilted low on over his eyes and looked asleep. "Well what else?"

"Uhh…Cougs?" Jensen elbowed the sniper.

Cougar fixed The Hat and looked up at Clay, "Stop loaning me out to people you owe a favour to." He said with a glare.

"What about I cut you into the profit?" Clay retorted.

"Throw in another rifle and a handgun." Cougar bartered.

Clay stared at the sniper, "Fine."

Cougar smirked and walked away.

"Jensen?" said man lit up with an idea. 'This should be interesting'.

"I want a new X box. And the latest Saints Row! And I want to be allowed to hack in whatever clothing, or lack of, that I see fit!" he said.

Clay raised a brow and answered without missing a beat. "Yes to the first and yes to the second, and how many times must I tell you, no hacking in your underwear! Deal?"

Jensen pursed his lips before standing, "Deal."


	3. Called Conversations

Called Conversations

**I own nothing**

"Pooch!"

"What J?"

"I can't find Cougs!"

"So? What do you want me to do about it?"

"I don't know! I just thought that maybe you've seen him!"

"Nah man."

"Well shit. Where do you think he is?"

"I don't know! He can probably hear you're annoying ass voice screaming from where ever he is though! Hell half the barracks can probably hear you!"

"Well then they should be honoured to hear my voice! Besides- Ahhh!"

"Jensen!? What's wrong?!"

"Never mind man I found Cougs!"

"Did he scare the shit out of you again?"

"…"

"Si."

Pooch laughed.

From some other room came an angry voice, "Now that you've found your god damn sniper can the rest of us sleep again?!"

"Sorry bro!"

Clay shook his head. One these days their tech would wake up without a tongue.


End file.
